April 20, 2010 § Leave a comment
So, right now…in this moment. I feel so very alone. Cold and dark the walls of my mind have become. A strange feeling this is. Uncertain of where I am to go, it’s 1:47 am and I’m coughing up a lung. Life has brought some things my way I’m afraid that are overwhelming me. God, You used to be so real. I know Your there, am I just blocking my own eyes? Have I made the sky a mirror? Have I made myself to be my own god? Why do feel abandoned by so many. Forgotten. Betrayed even. In so many ways I want to run off the edge of this world into Your arms, but I feel as if You wouldn’t want to catch me. Who could blame You though, I’ve been stained with black so many times. Have scars and stitches all over me from your attempts to keep me together. I’m like a dirty rag doll that has thrown himself into the mud one to many times. You still love me…I know this, but part of me wants You to hate me. Fix me, dear God please fix me. For right now my biggest enemy is me and this night has made me feel like an orphan. You are my Father. I am loved. Help me believe this.