June 8, 2010 § 2 Comments

I haven’t done this in a while…and it’s noticable. Since coming back from tour I’ve noticed a few things about myself. I have back-slide. I just had a cigarette on my roof outside my room and I realized that not even 4 months ago I was a very different person. My heart remains the same, but my actions say otherwise. God forgive me.

This is for myself:

I feel the following.

-That I’m expected to smoke

-That I’m not worth loving

-I’m merely used in order to get to other people

-I will never find a wife

-I’m weak

-That I’m allowed to lead women on

-Swearing is acceptable

-I do not need to read the Bible

-I do not need to go to Church

-I cannot be an example

-That I don’t need to pray.

All of these are lies. Dear God I have forgotten what it means to be a Christian. Lies have penetrated deep under my skin and I am forcing myself to let You in again. Take control of these hands for they know not what they do. God I am giving my life back to You.

We all fall down, please Father pick me back up. In Your Holy Son’s Name.


§ 2 Responses to Stigma’s

  • Jill says:

    I’m proud of you for realizing a bunch of stuff and having the willingness to make yourself better. You’re capable of so much, and I hope that come to realize this more and more everyday. All cheese aside, I believe in you.

  • incoherentlove says:

    Thank you.
    You don’t know me – persay.
    We meet once.
    I follow you in Twitter.
    This post really speaks to me.
    I needed to read this.
    I only hope for the best for you.

    Even thought I don’t know you personally I can just tell that you are someone special.
    Because of this blog I believe you will be someone who will remain in my memories for the rest of my life.

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