If I Could See You*

March 31, 2011 § Leave a comment

If I could see You.

Face to face, I would tell You that I’ve been angry with You. I would clench my fists and aim to hurt. You would let me. You would cry. You would cry because I’m lost. So lost. I’ve been running for months. I’ve been running from You. You who saved me from the depths of depression. You who held me when the world wanted to spit me out. I’ve been drowning myself in hopes that I would forget You. But You have once again taken me out at the knee’s. I have always been a fighter, and I always will be. Still, You love me. Even though I have wish I never knew You at all.

Why haven’t You let me go. Why. I have tried to forget how to say Your name, but it’s been burnt into my tongue. I’ve been trying to cut it out but to no avail. I know You grieve each day for me. I know that I am lost. I know that you are well on Your way to breaking me. I just pray I don’t fight back. I don’t think I’ve been a bad man. In fact I think I’ve been pretty good. But that’s the problem isn’t it. I wish You would hit me. I wish You would let go. But You have grabbed me by the wrist and for months I’ve ignored You. You’ve been there when I couldn’t walk straight. Letting me drag You through it all. You’ve been there all along. I can’t look away for much longer cause Your grip is growing tighter and my bones are slowly breaking. You have my attention now God.

 

I’m listening.

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